When I’m in trouble—by that, I mean when I become depressed or anxious, when the tasks in front of me cause more stress than joy, or worse, when grief or unhappiness weigh me down unbearably—there are a few things I do to help myself. One of them is what I call The Wonderful Game. Like my other games, it’s designed to remind me of the joy and beauty around me—free and abundant.
This game, when done consistently, may help you feel better and connect with feelings of gratitude, even during times when you struggle to feel grateful for much. For me, that time came recently after my prostatectomy. Everything hurt.
When I began to recover—when the catheter was finally removed and I could walk around easily—I needed this game. Here’s how it works:
The Wonderful Game: People watching for mental health
The goal of the game is to achieve a score of 95% or higher. To reach this score, you must find something wonderful about each person within your line of vision—or at least 95% of them. Some will be easier than others—accept the challenge! The criteria for what you find wonderful are broad but firm: it must be sincere and not ironic. It can be a physical attribute, a personality trait, or something else entirely.
You must make assumptions about some details of the people you are observing. Make sure those assumptions are reasonable. If you find discovering something wonderful about people difficult or slow, it’s a sign you really need this game.
A Wonderful Game Log
Here are some moments I recorded while playing this game over the past two days:
North Attleboro Chipotle, 1:30 PM
The Bearded Man Behind the Counter
There’s a short, bearded man working behind the counter, moving effortlessly between dozens of ingredients like a maestro conducting a symphony. For each customer, he makes a small joke.
When he gets to me, he says, “Congratulations! You’re a winner!”
I play along: “I am? What did I win?”
He grins. “You win Chipotle food, but it’s not free.”
I laugh, as do a couple people near me. Wonderful.
The Blonde Woman
The real story, though, is about a middle-aged blonde woman in line.
She beams at the bearded man and says, “You make coming here so much fun.” He lights up.
When she gets to the cashier, it’s a young Hispanic woman who’s clearly new and struggling. She fumbles with initials on the bowls, codes on the register, and communication with customers. A few of them grow visibly frustrated.
But the blonde woman doesn’t. Instead, she says to the cashier, “You’re such a pretty girl.”
A few moments later, after another mistake, she offers gentle encouragement: “You’re doing a good job.”
Finally, when the transaction is complete, she smiles warmly and says, “Gracias.”
Wonderful.
The Man with the Blue Eyes
A bald, middle-aged man sits at a high-top table with a woman. It’s unclear from their body language whether they’re romantic partners or workmates. At first glance, he seems unremarkable. He’s in decent shape, but not what anyone might call a "zaddy." His skin is healthy, but his face isn’t especially handsome.
But then I notice his eyes—they’re astonishingly blue. His checkered shirt is crisp and neatly tucked into his pants. Upon closer inspection, I realize the care he’s put into his outfit. His shoes and even his striped socks are coordinated with the same shade of blue as his eyes.
This man isn’t dressed ostentatiously, but intentionally. He’s perfectly comfortable, which tells me this is how he dresses every day. It’s wonderful. I, on the other hand, often go out dressed like a schlub—sweatpants, untucked shirts, the works. But this man? He embodies care, and that’s beautiful.
The Rules
Go to a place with plenty of people where you can sit quietly with a cup of coffee or tea. Or a burrito.
Avoid staring. This isn’t Europe. Limit your observation to no more than two minutes per person, then look away.
Make no partial judgments, such as “She’d be pretty if only she lost weight” or “If only he smiled more, he’d seem friendly.” Stop that. People are wonderful just as they are.
Avoid irony. All judgments must be sincere.
For advanced players: Compliment people on what you find wonderful.
Practice on yourself. How are you wonderful? If you don’t know, ask me. I’m an expert at this game.